


Even In The Darkest Of Times

by Evie_adams273



Series: A Thousand Different Delphis [3]
Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Alone, Anxiety, Augurey, Books, Choosing Names, Diagon Alley, Gen, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Illustrations, Minor Trigger Warning, Names, Patronus Charm, Studying, her patronus is a little predictable, hotel room, maybe it's a bed and breakfast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 10:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21444403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evie_adams273/pseuds/Evie_adams273
Summary: Delphi tries to continue teaching herself magic, having allowed herself to sleep in a bed and breakfast for one night. She tries a charm that has always given her a little trouble, more emotionally than magically.-part of my Delphini series
Series: A Thousand Different Delphis [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542787
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Even In The Darkest Of Times

**Author's Note:**

> Minor trigger warning: possibly alluding to anxiety, depression, past trauma, nothing explicit

_“What was your name, dear?”_

_Silence. _

_“I don’t know. Euphemia never gave me a name.”  
_

_“What do you want to be called?”  
_

_“Delphi,” I say softly. “My name is Delphi.”_

* * *

Delphi sat on the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest. Three books lay open around her, and she tried to concentrate on them. She wanted to concentrate on something properly. Teaching herself magic meant she had to throw herself into it and not be fazed by what came back.

Tonight, she was lucky enough to have a room to sleep in, and she wanted to use it. People questioned an eighteen-year-old teaching herself magic on a corner of Diagon Alley. Not that she spent much time on Diagon Alley. She didn’t want anyone to remember her face, which was part of the reason she rarely had a roof over her head. But occasionally, she needed it.

Occasionally, she was so desperate for sleep and a little privacy that she was willing to let herself be seen by other people. She decided that, when she was ready to be remembered, she would make herself memorable. When she was ready to be remembered, she would dye her hair some vibrant colour. Probably blue.

But it would probably be quite a long time before she was ready to be remembered.

At the moment, she had to keep herself a secret. She was still only starting to put her plan into place. Once it was in place and in action, once she knew that she couldn’t be stopped, then she would start to make herself memorable.

She breathed out slowly. Every single day brought her that little bit closer to her father, and to a chance of having someone give a damn about her.

At first, when she had made the decision to do this, she hadn’t known if it was really the right thing to do. Now, it didn’t matter. On the few occasions anyone had mentioned her father, they had spoken with such venom and Delphi suspected that, had she tried to talk to anyone and be honest, she would have been murdered.

And she would much rather be the murderer.

She flicked through the book closest to her, landing on the page that was the most beautiful one in the book, and the one she hated most. The page covered in some talented artist’s drawings of quite literally thousands of Patronuses. It looked visually stunning in every way, but she couldn’t shake the fact that it also came with the reminder that, if she ever did find her father, she would likely have to contend with Dementors.

Hundreds of thousands of Dementors.

She would be vulnerable to Dementors. She would be vulnerable because she had been alone her entire life, she hadn’t even had a name until she had visited her aunt and uncle. She would be vulnerable because she was afraid of making mistakes. How could she not be afraid? Every mistake she had ever made came with a threat and a promise of pain.

She would be vulnerable to Dementors.

And, over time, she would probably learn to deal with that. But to begin with, she needed to be able to use a Patronus, to shut them out so that she could carry on with whatever job she would have.

The one glorious flaw in the Patronus Charm, however, was the need for a happy memory. She, it turned out, had none.

She had tried the Patronus Charm on numerous occasions, over and over.

Most of the time, she only stopped when she broke down. Because even she understood that trying to summon a happy memory while being unable to stand due to sobbing was impractical. But she kept trying. She kept trying because she had to keep trying.

Even when every single day grew more hopeless. Even when she felt as if every time she found her little speck of happiness, she felt more hopeless. Because every time she found the speck, she felt as if she was chipping away at it. It felt as if there was less and less of it every day.

But she still tried.

Today, she decided, today would be the day.

It didn’t matter that she had told herself this a thousand times before.

Today she would actually be successful.

Because today was different. Today, when she had been trying to rent the room for the night, she had become incredibly flustered, not least because she had very little money and didn’t even know if could afford the room.

The person she had been renting the room from had been kind, had told her it was okay if she didn’t have enough to pay for the room, had told her that her need for it was greater than their need for money. And then they had given her a hot drink. And a hug. Delphi had dived into that hug. That hug was the first time anyone had ever truly cared about her. And she hadn’t known how much she needed it.

It was the sort of thing that would have convinced her to call the whole thing off, had she not had the reoccurring doubt in the back of her mind that, if this person knew the truth, they would want to hurt her just as much as every other person.

But she could separate that knowledge from the memory of being cared about. She could use that to try and fuel some happiness into her magic.

She picked up her wand, sinking onto her knees beside the bed and taking a deep breath. Just one more night. If she couldn’t do it now, she would move on. She would ignore it, until she had something she could use.

But for now, one more attempt.

She raised her wand, breathing in slowly and concentrating on the love she had felt, even though it was momentary. It had existed, and it probably still did. Because someone could care about her.

“Expecto Patronum.”

She smiled as a small light blossomed from the end of her wand, filling the space around her with an almost angelic aura. It didn’t form into a shape, but she didn’t mind. The warmth that filled her entire being was more than enough to make her smile.

She hadn’t smiled for weeks. She hadn’t smiled since she’d had hope. She didn’t have hope anymore. How could she? How could she hope when every person that had ever cared about her had abandoned her? How could she hope when she was alone?

She didn’t have hope anymore, but she did have the knowledge that, if she kept moving forward, things would get better. It wasn’t hope, because hope came with the possibility that things wouldn’t work out. She knew things would work out. She just had to get to that point.

However, as the negative thoughts consumed her mind, the light started to fade, and she sighed, trying to cling onto it. The feeling of warmth was rapidly disappearing, and she needed it, desperately. She hadn’t realised how much she had needed it until she had started to produce a Patronus. But now it was gone.

She forced herself to concentrate solely on the memory again, raising her wand.

“Expecto Patronum.”

“Expecto Patronum.”

“_Expecto Patronum_.”

The light that blossomed from the end of her wand this time seemed to have wings, seemed to fly, seemed to be the happiest thing that she had ever created. And she laughed.

She laughed as the light bent around a centre, around and around and around, until a shape formed in the strands. A bird. A large, majestic bird, that half-swam, half-soared through the air, coming to somehow hover beside her. It seemed to enjoy her laughter, and she held out her hand, not entirely sure what to expect.

The bird flitted towards her, somehow wrapping around her arm. It was warm and homely and she giggled again, watching it continue its flight around the room.

This was what happiness felt like. This is what love felt like. This is what she wanted most in life. This feeling.

This feeling was the best thing in the world. This feeling, now and forever, would be the most important thing to her. No matter what.

The strangest part of it was the fact that she knew what her Patronus was, but she didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why the animal she shared the deepest affinity with, why her gift of light, was the thing that had been used as a bedtime story to hurt her a little bit more.

She didn’t understand why she was an Augurey.

* * *

[Illustration for this story](https://twitter.com/d3lphini/status/1193225652650020864)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to @d3lphini (Twitter) for the drawing that prompted this piece. Please check out her artwork of Delphi, because it's really, really good. This is one of the few happy (ish) Delphi things I've written. Hope you enjoyed it. I forgot I wrote it about four days ago.  
Thanks for reading  
Kudos and comments much appreciated  
Twitter: @eveiadams273 and @d3lphini


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